Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Since we had been putting the dogs outside during the day and their food in the pergola we had birds coming in there in the droves. So, I went to put up a shade across one section to keep them out. I was in the garage measuring the length when I saw 2 women and a guy in the street with a long crowbar trying to get one of the manhole covers off. So, I ventured out there to see what was going on. Seems that a dog had chased a baby plover down the drain. Now these are the most pesky birds on earth. They swoop at you continuously. I have stood on our front porch swinging a broom at them. So, the guy was lifting the manhole off to rescue this bird I hate. So, I regretfully said how can I help. The next thing I know he was down one manhole further down the street and I was down the other with my pool net. Now the storm drain isn't the most pleasant thing to be exploring especially for a 60 year old woman who isn't even wearing a bra. I know that last bit was too much information. "I can hear it" the guy kept saying "but it sounds like it is behind me". So up the next manhole he went. I climbed out of the one I was in and ventured to the one he just came out of. My first clue should have been when it was a bit smaller than the other I had just come out of. Oh well, down my fat ass went. The other women stood guard so that someone didn't run over us while we were down there. We kept hearing chirp chirp and momma bird was swooping all around. We then find that the little innocent baby bird, who by now I would like to kill myself, had run up to yet another manhole. So, I proceeded to put one foot on the rung to get out but because the manhole was so small there was no room for me to put the other foot on the rung. Thus a fat, no bra, 60 year old lady is stuck in the manhole. The 2 women are saying "We can lift you out". Right. Thank goodness along comes another guy from the street and the 2 men lifted me out. How embarrassing is that. Thank goodness I was not on the 6:00 news coming out of the drain. The next plot was to pour water in the drain to wash the bird down the drain into the net. I can tell you that I was worried about what else was going to get washed down with it. Oh well, I had decided I wasn't going back down there again. Then up the street to yet another drain the momma bird is going crazy. It was there we finally scouped the bird up in the pool net and back to his lunatic momma. My parting words were "This was definitely not on my bucket list" So I get back home to sleeping beauty who awakes to find me covered in a reddest brown dirt. Now here is the x rated part. "What the #&*@ where you thinking?" "There is god knows what down there" And, finally, "No telling what kind of germs you have on you." So the morale of the story is "Don't ask. Don't tell".